The Many Uses of Hot Chicks.

Hi, my name's Justin, but I hate the name Justin, so you can call me Edward Q. Pussypillow (because chicks love sitting on my face); everybody else does... well, everybody except... my enemy.

Anyway, I'll explain that later, because right now I'm here to tell you all about the many uses of hot chicks.

Hot chicks have many uses. It's true. They're not just good for looking at or being in pornos or becoming prostitutes, you know. In fact, did you know, hot chicks are also very good for selling things? It's true. Studies have shown that 97% of all successful advertisements last year were successful solely because they had hot chicks in them. And the other 3%? They were on the radio.

But that's not all. You can make hot chicks useful for yourself too! It's true. Let me tell you how I used a hot chick to destroy my enemy.

Okay, so there was this guy, right? A real jerk, went by the name Tetzloff. He was my history teacher or something in junior high. Anyway, get this: He refused; downright refused to call me Edward Q. Pussypillow.

So, anyway, a few years after I graduated I started having these nightmares. I kept dreaming about him calling me "Justin". I dunno why it took so long, maybe I repressed it or something, but the embarrassment finally resurfaced. It wasn't so bad in private, but then he started using my real name when he called on me in class. "Justin." In front of the other kids, no less. "Justin." I can still hear their haunting laughter, mocking my mental anguish every time he used my real name. "Justin. Justin. Justin!!!"

Ha ha. So anyway, I like, had this cousin, who was, you know, a hot chick.

Hey, it's not like she was my sister or anything. I'm not some kind of pervert!

So anyway, she was like 19 or 15 or something, and she was like crazy smokin'-ass hot, right? So I knew she was the perfect way to get even with Tetzloff.

Anyway, there's this seedy motel on the edge of town that Tetzloff drove by every day on his way home from school. So, I brought my cousin there one day, and I ripped her dress so it was like, half falling off or whatever, and just as Tetzloff was driving by, I got her to run out into the street screaming that she'd been raped.

It worked like a charm. Ha ha, stupid Tetzloff. That old pervert.

So, I'm hiding behind the door, right? And when Tetzloff comes running in, I jump out and smash a lamp over the back of his head. What an idiot, ha ha.

So anyway, I'm bashing his skull in, right, and my cousin comes back into the motel room to see what all the screaming is about. So I had to kill her too, because, you know, you don't want any witnesses to that kind of thing. And then I fucked her corpse because she was crazy super hot, right? And it's not like she could say no or anything. I mean, what would you do??